Have You Ever?
by My Echoing Silence
Summary: Naruto contemplates his life and why he did what he did, his motivations. Song fic. Revolves around his feelings for Sasuke. SasuNaru. Deathfic


**_Disclaimer:_** I do not own anything recognised as belonging to other people.

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_Falling, I'm falling  
Falling, I'm falling_

A blonde boy with eyes like the endless blue skies above sat upon the fourth giant face carved into the cliff face; both looking beyond the village below sightlessly.

Wind picked up and fluttered the soft hair in the breeze, but did not disturb the orange-clad youth from his nostalgic thoughts of the past.

_Have you ever walked through a room  
And it was more like the room passed around you  
Like there was a leash around your neck _

_That pulled you through_

Some time ago, the boy had ran down a packed street with two buckets of paint, chased by a pair of Chuunin and laughing obnoxiously, so at odds with his lonely eyes.

Passing a black-haired boy in white and blue with a red and white fan insignia on his back.

The two were close once, when they were small, but the darker boy had long since forgotten what the lighter one had not.

They do not acknowledge each other.

_Have you ever been at someplace  
Recognizing everybody's face  
Until you realized that there was no one there you knew  
Well I know_

Sitting beside the boy-who-forgot, hurting from the pain inflicted by the pink-haired girl beside him, but feeling warm inside at the remembrance of pale lips against his own.

Hidden joy that they would be on the same team and hoping that the darker boy would remember, but tainted by the presence of the one he loathed above all others but pretended to love.

He remembered her. She had been trying to take his Only One away from him, even when they were small.

_Some days, my soul's confined and out of mind  
Sleep forever  
Some days, I'm so outshined and out of time  
Have you ever_

Dobe. That was what the dark one had called him, meaning it to be an insult, but the boy had taken it as the dearest epithet, and had given the dark one a name in return: Teme.

Dead Last and Bastard.

No one ever called either of them these pet names but one another.

_Falling, I'm falling  
Falling, I'm falling_

Blonde and black working in total sync as they used to, to bring down the jounin-level missing-nin who was threatening them and holding their sensei captive in an orb of water.

Changing form and feeling the hand close around him. Noticing him and understanding the plan. The smug, intimate look the two shared when they pulled it off flawlessly.

_Have you ever buried your face in your hands  
Cause no one around you understands  
Or has the slightest idea what it is that makes you be_

Lying in a small, shared room on a pair of futons pushed together and watching the beloved face in peaceful sleep, white skin glowing in a shaft of moonlight, lashes like graceful splashes of darkness against his cheeks. A hand curls beside the sleeping face like he used to do as a child.

_Have you ever felt like there was more  
Like someone else was keeping score  
And what could make you whole was simply out of reach  
Well I know_

Catching the falling form that stood between him and certain death, ignoring the pricks as the senbon in his body break his skin. Dark eyes looking up at his with sorrow and regret; a plea.

Only One stops breathing; hearts ceasing to beat.

Rage that cannot be cooled.

Then the Ice Childe and, just for a moment, the blond isn't alone anymore…

…Beloved isn't the Only One for a minute, for a moment…

Then the Second dies for his own beloved and blue eyes are sinking into loneliness.

Black eyes open and the world is right again, but still grieving for the Second.

_Someday I'll try again and not pretend  
This time forever  
Someday I'll get it straight but not today  
Have you ever_

Blue eyes under gold lock with green eyes under blood and a grave recognition is made, then gone. Black eyes under darkness notice and something is there before being hidden in shadows.

The First becomes aggressive but the green eyes don't appear to care. The blonde boy doesn't understand and worries the First did it for the Loathed One.

_Falling, I'm falling  
Falling, I'm falling_

The blonde boy draws power from his beast to fight the Man-Snake who wants his Beloved; hurts his Beloved. Pain as something is closed.

The last thought as he sinks into darkness is of the black-haired boy unconscious back there.

_Some days, my soul's confined and out of mind  
Sleep forever  
Some days, my darkest friend is me again  
Have you ever  
Someday I'll try again and not pretend  
This time forever  
Someday I'll get it straight but not today  
Have you ever_

The resentment in the black eyes of his beloved when he beats the one of green and red who is like the blonde, himself.

It hurts him badly when his First Love won't even look at him for saving his life and the life of the one who was once loathed but now tolerated.

_When the truth walks away  
Everybody stays  
Cause the truth about the world is that crime does pay_

Agony of unspeakable proportions stabs into his heart when his beloved speaks those words to him before turning from him.

The blonde is in the team sent to bring him back.

_So if you walk away  
Who is gonna stay  
Cause I'd like to think the world is a better place_

Only he is left, standing opposite the dark one, heart blessedly blocked off by the beast; but he remembers how to act, how to reacted, how he feels about this one behind the barrier of red power.

As always between them, it turns to battle, but no longer is it the relatively harmless sparring.

When the blonde finally realises that the dark one truly means to leave him, he thinks he hears glass breaking. The arm where the orb of blue-white power is swirling drops down and out just enough to miss the dark one.

_When the truth walks away  
Everybody stays  
Cause the truth about the world is that crime does pay_

As his own arm swings to miss the body rushing for him, the opposing arm continues, because he does not believe the blonde will truly be hit.

There is a warm liquid trailing down the dark one's face, confusion and denial flashing in seal eyes as the two stand facing one another; the tanned hand limp by its owner leg and the pale hand buried to the palm in the blonde's chest.

As the blue eyes watch, comprehension and horror appear on the face less than two feet from his own.

The dark one can now see the broken shards of a heart floating in those eyes as blue as the endless skies.

_So if you walk away  
Who is gonna stay  
Cause I'd like to make the world be a better place_

Those teary dark eyes asked, demand, plead '_Why?'_

The blonde gives a tired smile, draws the hand from his chest and kisses the bloody knuckles..

'_Because anything is better than to be alone.'_

The dark one runs away, tears on his face and unable to face the destruction he has wrought.

The light one lies in a crumpled heap, blood pouring from the would that took out half his heart while red energy crackles around it, trying to heal the body, and there is a wistful, peaceful smile on the unconscious face when sensei finds him moments later.

_When the truth walks away  
Everybody stays  
Cause the truth about the world is that crime does pay_

So here he is, three years later, the wound nothing more than a stark, silvery patch on his tanned skin. He has found other beloveds in the one of blood and emeralds who lives in the desert and the dark-haired youth with pearly-white eyes, but they do not compete with the first, so he is still lonely.

He stands and leans forward, beginning to fall down the cliff where his father stares blankly from.

There are hurried footsteps behind him and an arm wraps around his lower chest, jerking him back.

_So if you walk away  
Who is gonna stay  
Cause I'd like to think the world is a better place  
I'd like to leave the world as a better place  
I'd like to think the world_

He is lying against a chest that is breath rapidly, panicky.

There is a long black lock on his shoulder and the pale ivory arms still wrapped around his chest are familiar; there are scars there that recognized.

Twisting around, Naruto looks into Sasuke's eyes.

They share a moment before Naruto leans forward and kisses Sasuke with all the love and loneliness that has built up and Sasuke kisses him back.

And they stayed that way, their heart's blood mingling as Sound razes Leaf to the ground as Naruto had known they would for hours.

A battle-weary Neji finds them later, impaled upon the double-ended kunai Naruto had fitted between their chests before the kiss.

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Reviews are welcome. 


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